Checking in with my Stalker 9-14-16

Thirteen months ago I blogged about getting a restraining order against a former boyfriend. He didn’t take the hint (gosh, it was a “appear in court” in-your-face hint) and began driving by my home frequently, leaving packages in and on my vehicles (parked in a “secure” garage), sending me numerous emails daily (again), etc.

I went back to the police, and they picked him up at home on a Friday evening and kept him in jail for the weekend. The following week, I received a criminal protective order, good for three years. Again, a fairly large, in-your-face type of hint.

Six months later, he was back sitting in his vehicle watching my home. The police came (two hours later) and took a report, spoke to him at his home. Promised me (again) that he understood and would no longer bother me. Oops, then he was at my office, trying to talk security into letting him up to my suite, and to intercede with me on his behalf, since the restraining order was almost up! Can we say “clueless?” Another police department called, another report taken.

Because he has not threatened me with physical violence, the police will not go and arrest him. Apparently, emotional abuse is not considered enough, even if it causes physical illness/symptoms in the stalkee (I refuse to see myself as a victim). If he comes within 1000 feet of me (think of a football field), I am not to engage him, but call the police immediately. If he is still there if and when they arrive, then they will arrest him. How am I supposed to keep him there while not “engaging with him?”

Now he is sending Facebook messages to a friend of mine. Long ones, multiple times a day. His wife (oh yes, turns out he was very married) also called my friend accusing me of stalking him. Go figure. I’m getting afraid to go home again. I have changed my Facebook ID. I’m in hiding again. This is no way to live.

I cannot fathom what he thinks his activity will accomplish. I am reminded that to expect logic from an irrational person is not logical.

TO MY STALKER: If you are reading this, please pay close attention to what I am saying:

Go away. Stay away.

Do not call, email, message or mail anything to me or any of my friends, co-workers, acquaintances, or relatives.

Do not drive by my home or place of employment.

Do not try to get information from my doctors or the security people at my office.

Do not have your wife call, email or message me or any of my friends.

All of these activities are considered domestic violence and stalking behavior. I have a CRIMINAL restraining order out against you. I do NOT want to ever see or hear from you again. EVER. By your own admission, I am a stubborn woman. Keep this in mind.

GO AWAY NOW. STAY AWAY FOREVER. THIS MEANS YOU!

Tomorrow’s Doors (revisited)

We talk
seldom listening
We mourn the past
worry about the future

We take baby steps
but we dare not more
Fearing change
more than death

New friends, new ideas
live in the moment
Try one new thing
Fear lost in the being

Tomorrow comes
welcomed or not
Today’s decisions
open tomorrow’s doors.


Beth Cardall Leehy
2016 Mar 1

Lent 2016: No longer Irish Catholic

Perhaps because I grew up surrounded by Irish Catholics, when I hear “Lent,” it is always preceded in my mind by, “What are you giving up for….” Now, as an adult and hopefully more sophisticated theologian than my 6-year-old self, I realize that Jesus never gave up anything for Lent. I mean, after all, he was Jewish, not Christian (semi-adult theologian giggles here). The Lenten season is to remind us the events of Passion Week, leading up to the crucifixion and subsequent rising of Christ Triumphant.

So why remember Passion Week? Why observe Lent? Many Christians I know attend weekly vegetarian soup dinners and bible study classes. Many literally refrain from eating or doing something pleasurable for the 40 non-Sunday days of Lent. I can only guess that this is to remind them that Jesus suffered while he was “in jail” under Pontius Pilate.

I suggest, instead of giving up chocolate, meat, deserts, Starbucks or some other worldly item, we actually try to be more like Jesus during this church season of Lent. How about if we give up:

• Bigotry and hate-mongering?
• Fear and self-loathing?
• Addictive behavior that harms us or others?
• Old sorrows and injuries that keep us moribund?

Let us, instead of giving up, take on something. Try adding to your daily life:

• Gratitude/Awareness practice: Notice the beauty around you. Keep a gratitude journal. Say “thank you,” more often. Write to the good politicians.
• Give the gift of hope to others: Smile at a stranger. Donate more to charity (anonymously). Reconnect with a loved one. End war.
• Self-care: Actually do the exercise program that you have on your “to do” list. Get your teeth cleaned. Get your blood pressure and glucose monitored. Donate blood or platelets so someone else may live.

I’ve been corresponding with someone recently that made me realize some of the emotional baggage I’ve been carrying around with me for a very long time. I made a promise to keep an open heart and mind and work through my fear. Along with the ideas above, this will be my Lenten practice.

Lent is a church season with the ultimate goal of making us a better person. May Easter find you transformed by your Lenten practice, and thereby find the world a little (or a lot) better. Blessings abound if we can but see them.