“We live in deeds not years In thoughts not breaths In feelings not figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks most, feels noblest, acts the best.” [sic] Philip James Bailey
This quote came up in one of my emails as a suggestion for a meditation centering thought. I deleted it, because of the word “He,” having a knee jerk reaction to the exclusionary language. Yes, I know English usage mandates the use of masculine pronouns when mixed gender is addressed. And this was not publicly challenged in Mr. Bailey’s lifetime (1816 – 1902). But really, can’t we move forward yet?
Just as minority populations feel excluded when pictures/movies/television show only the dominant culture, I feel excluded when only male pronouns are used. In this particular case, I was good with the first few phrases, which use the inclusive “we.” Then I got to the troublesome “He,” and the following phrase stuck in my gullet and the whole thing went to the trash bin.
“He most lives who thinks most, feels noblest, acts the best.” So, the thinking person lives most? The noblest feeling person lives most? The person who acts the best lives most? Thoughts of a privileged, white, male, me thinks. Not much shows up on the internet about Mr. Bailey, so I do not know if he was ever a parent. But every parent who ever loved a child lives by their heart throbs. From the first time a baby smiles at you, to their first injury, every time they tell you, “Mom (or Dad), I love you,” until you or they die, they are connected to your heart. Good parents act as the best parent they can. They are noble, as far as acting in the best interest of the family (in whatever shape it may be) to the best of their ability.
I guess it is the first part of the last phrase that most bothers me. “He most lives who thinks most.” Most parents I know don’t have time or brain cells left for thinking during the first few years of a child’s life. One moves by rote, routine, reflex in a fog of sleeplessness (and sometimes worry). And that’s if your child is healthy. G-d help those of us whose babies are ill or otherwise need additional care and resources.
And sorry, just thinking doesn’t make one a good person or noble citizen. One MUST act to be noble. Maybe this quotation was taken out of context and Mr. Bailey expanded on his idea in surrounding text. If the editor who chose this quote for the meditation exercise had included some background and noted the exclusionary language (even by just adding "sic" at the end) I might not have deleted the message immediately. “Ifs” and “maybes,” but something to keep in mind should you have the opportunity to address people in the future.
Be inclusive. Be on the cutting edge of language and mores. Remember women hold up half (actually, more than half) the sky.
Showing posts with label justice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label justice. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Stop the silence, stop the violence
Domestic violence – a phrase that has come to the forefront of the news recently because yet another man beat a woman senseless. In this case, it was a professional football play (Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens) beating his fiancé Janay Palmer on February 15, 2014. In March, hotel surveillance video emerged showing him dragging her unconscious body out of an elevator. (http://abcnews.go.com/US/janay-rice-woman-defending-ray-rice/story?id=25378681, 9/10/2014 2:27 PM) Mr. Rice and Ms. Palmer then appeared together at a press conference put on by the Ravens. Less than a week later they married.
“Initially, Rice and Palmer both were charged with simple assault. The Atlantic County prosecutor's office later dropped the charge against her. In March, Rice was indicted by a grant jury on the more serious charge of third-degree assault [First and Second-degree assault charges are worse]. The charge carried a potential sentence of three to five years in prison… In May, Rice entered a program for first-time offenders that would clear his record of the criminal charge if he met certain conditions, including participation in counseling.” (http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/ravens/2014/09/08/baltimore-ravens-cut-ray-rice/15291729/; 9/10/2014 2:30:35 PM)
During a May news conference put on by the Ravens, both of them addressed the media. She apologized for her role in the incident, while Rice apologized to his bosses. He never once said he was sorry to Ms. Palmer. (http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-commentary/article/11245489/espnw-baltimore-ravens-ray-rice-nfl-domestic-violence-problem; 9/10/2014 2:18 PM). In July Mr. Rice received a 2-game suspension. August saw the NFL introducing new penalties for domestic violence. Then the video of Ms. Palmer’s beating emerged on social media in September, and Mr. Rice was released from the Ravens and suspended indefinitely by the National Football League.
One of the reasons I am so angry about this situation is that a man who knocked a woman out was originally given a slap-on-the-wrist penalty. It was only when the video of the actual beating surfaced and public outcry was heard that he received a stiffer penalty from his employer. I don’t know why Ms. Palmer, now Mrs. Rice, didn’t press charges against Mr. Rice, or indeed, why she then married her abuser. Her reasons are her own. I find it hard to understand why Mr. Rice’s assault on Ms. Palmer was only a misdemeanor offence.
In the two weeks since the NFL imposed the new standardized penalties for domestic violence on August 28, two more pro football players have been arrested on domestic violence charges. Why do we not have more of a public outcry against this abuse? If we say, “Oh, he made a mistake,” when a man beats up a woman, we are condoning his behavior. Beating someone up is not a mistake.
If we say a woman deserved to be dosed with a date-rape drug because she went to a club, we are agreeing that it OK to rape women. Rape is not a mistake.
If we say women should wear sneakers instead of heels, dress conservatively instead of revealingly, walk in groups instead of alone, then we are saying it is a woman’s own fault if she is followed, stalked, assaulted or killed.
This is wrong-thinking and we as a society MUST change it. We don’t make men wear baggy clothing, walk in groups or wear sneakers when they go out at night. Why then do we ask it of women? Because as a society we believe it is OK to abuse women. Think this through carefully. This is why rape and abuse are under-reported. Because it almost always is made to be the woman’s fault. Because we EXPECT men to abuse women. Until we no longer expect men to hurt women, it will continue.
Speak out women! Speak out male-allies! Stop the silence, STOP THE VIOLENCE.
NOW.
“Initially, Rice and Palmer both were charged with simple assault. The Atlantic County prosecutor's office later dropped the charge against her. In March, Rice was indicted by a grant jury on the more serious charge of third-degree assault [First and Second-degree assault charges are worse]. The charge carried a potential sentence of three to five years in prison… In May, Rice entered a program for first-time offenders that would clear his record of the criminal charge if he met certain conditions, including participation in counseling.” (http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/ravens/2014/09/08/baltimore-ravens-cut-ray-rice/15291729/; 9/10/2014 2:30:35 PM)
During a May news conference put on by the Ravens, both of them addressed the media. She apologized for her role in the incident, while Rice apologized to his bosses. He never once said he was sorry to Ms. Palmer. (http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-commentary/article/11245489/espnw-baltimore-ravens-ray-rice-nfl-domestic-violence-problem; 9/10/2014 2:18 PM). In July Mr. Rice received a 2-game suspension. August saw the NFL introducing new penalties for domestic violence. Then the video of Ms. Palmer’s beating emerged on social media in September, and Mr. Rice was released from the Ravens and suspended indefinitely by the National Football League.
One of the reasons I am so angry about this situation is that a man who knocked a woman out was originally given a slap-on-the-wrist penalty. It was only when the video of the actual beating surfaced and public outcry was heard that he received a stiffer penalty from his employer. I don’t know why Ms. Palmer, now Mrs. Rice, didn’t press charges against Mr. Rice, or indeed, why she then married her abuser. Her reasons are her own. I find it hard to understand why Mr. Rice’s assault on Ms. Palmer was only a misdemeanor offence.
In the two weeks since the NFL imposed the new standardized penalties for domestic violence on August 28, two more pro football players have been arrested on domestic violence charges. Why do we not have more of a public outcry against this abuse? If we say, “Oh, he made a mistake,” when a man beats up a woman, we are condoning his behavior. Beating someone up is not a mistake.
If we say a woman deserved to be dosed with a date-rape drug because she went to a club, we are agreeing that it OK to rape women. Rape is not a mistake.
If we say women should wear sneakers instead of heels, dress conservatively instead of revealingly, walk in groups instead of alone, then we are saying it is a woman’s own fault if she is followed, stalked, assaulted or killed.
This is wrong-thinking and we as a society MUST change it. We don’t make men wear baggy clothing, walk in groups or wear sneakers when they go out at night. Why then do we ask it of women? Because as a society we believe it is OK to abuse women. Think this through carefully. This is why rape and abuse are under-reported. Because it almost always is made to be the woman’s fault. Because we EXPECT men to abuse women. Until we no longer expect men to hurt women, it will continue.
Speak out women! Speak out male-allies! Stop the silence, STOP THE VIOLENCE.
NOW.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Forgive us our trash baskets
A friend sent this to me today in an email with other cute stories of kids and religion: “One particular four-year-old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
This one struck me as a wonderful example of how children may interpret something into their own experience and enlighten us poor adults with their truth.
We’ve probably all heard the phrase about our past being baggage that we carry around unnecessarily. I like the imagery of a debt or trespass being trash. One person’s treasure is another’s trash: therefore, something I allow to upset me becomes trash in my basket. Something I dump on another person un-righteously is still my trash and rightfully belongs in my trash basket.
This works ecologically too. I saw a picture today of a landfill where erosion from a massive rainstorm uncovered trash that was probably buried in the 1960 – over 50 years ago. Plastic bags and a tire were still very clearly NOT much degraded by half a century of being underground. Mother Earth, please, please forgive me my trash basket.
And the theme of forgiveness: I think a lot of our unprocessed emotional baggage may be from not having forgiven previous injuries. So if we can do the hard work of forgiveness, we can empty our own trash baskets and quit putting trash in others’ bins. No recycling of old hurts needed or wanted. Just clean up.
Ah, if it were just this easy. Forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets. Out of the mouth of babes…straight into g-d’s ear, please and thank you.
This one struck me as a wonderful example of how children may interpret something into their own experience and enlighten us poor adults with their truth.
We’ve probably all heard the phrase about our past being baggage that we carry around unnecessarily. I like the imagery of a debt or trespass being trash. One person’s treasure is another’s trash: therefore, something I allow to upset me becomes trash in my basket. Something I dump on another person un-righteously is still my trash and rightfully belongs in my trash basket.
This works ecologically too. I saw a picture today of a landfill where erosion from a massive rainstorm uncovered trash that was probably buried in the 1960 – over 50 years ago. Plastic bags and a tire were still very clearly NOT much degraded by half a century of being underground. Mother Earth, please, please forgive me my trash basket.
And the theme of forgiveness: I think a lot of our unprocessed emotional baggage may be from not having forgiven previous injuries. So if we can do the hard work of forgiveness, we can empty our own trash baskets and quit putting trash in others’ bins. No recycling of old hurts needed or wanted. Just clean up.
Ah, if it were just this easy. Forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets. Out of the mouth of babes…straight into g-d’s ear, please and thank you.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Love thy neighbor
I like this photo - and don't give me any stuff about loving the person and hating the sin. Hate is a very strong emotion. I hope you never experience it.
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